I have certainly wondered for a long time why I have anxiety...I am a pretty normal person who had a "normal" childhood. I am a smart, successful person who, from the outside, seems to have it all together! If you were talking to me, you would never guess I had this problem. I guess that is part of why I wanted to share this blog. I am the firstborn child in my family. From the beginning, I was expected to succeed in just about everything I did but mostly in sports and school. I was very athletic and competed in various sports growing up. I was usually one of the best. I made good grades. I was popular. Things seemed pretty good! I went on to college at the University of Georgia and got my BS degree in biology. I somehow got accepted into the Vet school there which is ultra competitive...I'm still not really sure how I got in. I think my first panic attack came during the early part of my first year in vet school. It was very stressful to have to study all the time and the pressure to make grades was intense. I remember feeling really nervous and scared a lot...I felt like I was just not smart enough to be there among the other 75 students in my class. My first panic attack came in the form of what I thought was an asthma attack...I just felt like I was hyperventilating. I was dizzy, sweaty, my heart was pounding and I just felt suddenly like an elephant was sitting on my chest...it scared the daylights out of me! I did what most people would do and went to see a doctor. He ran some tests and couldn't really find anything wrong with me. He gave me an inhaler incase it happened again. It did happen again...and again...and again. I started walking around just having fear that I was going to have another attack. The fear of the attack was constant. I thought I was going crazy! I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I had never heard of a panic attack before. Even my doctor didn't discuss it with me...he seemed as dumb as I did about it! My parents didn't know what was wrong and neither did my then-fiance', Craig. The attacks went on for about a year or so, then just as fast as they came, they stopped. I was so relieved....I felt normal again. About ten or twelve years went by without anymore problems. Then one day, shortly after 9/11, I had another major panic attack. I had been stressed for about the last 8 months with two little kids, a new housecall practice and I had begun homeschooling. I didn't realize that I was even stressed! I think back on it now and realize that my frenetic, busy pace was too much...I think 9/11 only pushed my nerves over the edge. I had daily panic attacks for what seemed like weeks. I felt like I was living on the edge of a nervous breakdown. My symptoms were emotional as well as physical. I had problems with irritable bowel symptoms as well as insomnia. I was spiraling downward in a hurry and it scared me so much knowing I couldn't do anything to stop it. I went to a Christian counselor who helped me somewhat. I read scriptures constantly about fear and anxiety. Nothing worked for me. Finally, a friend of mine shared with me that she was having and had been having similar problems but also with depression. She had gone to her doctor and he had put her on Zoloft. She saw extreme improvement after taking the medicine. So, reluctantly, I went to the same doctor and told him what I was feeling. He put me on Zoloft too. I didn't want to take medication. I was just as afraid of what it would do to my brain as I was of the panic attacks! But, I had no choice. I was just about at the point of not being able to function. My kids were depending on me! After about a week, it was like I was back to my old self. I felt SO much better. Within a month, all my symptoms had virtually disappeared. I stayed on the zoloft for about 8 years with minimal symptoms of anxiety. I would have a flare up every once in a while, but nothing like what I had gone through initially.
About a year ago, I decided that I would try to go off my medication since I had been doing so well. I stayed off for about a year but my anxiety came back. I started having the hyperventilation, suffocation symptoms again. I thought maybe I had asthma for real this time. I went to my physician who again, ran tests on me, checked my breathing and heart. He found nothing! So, here I am again...back on my zoloft. Probably forever. Or at least I will always be on something...not sure if it will be zoloft or not. I have accepted the fact that I have a very low tolerance for stress. I am still trying to grow in my faith that God will always keep me and take care of me but I know that I need the help of medication too. So...here I am....hoping that sharing my story will help somebody else. I would so love to hear your story! I think that sharing with others about this crappy problem will only help us all! Thanks for listening and I hope you will share this with others.
Peace and blessings!
DL
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